When the ICE storm troopers descended on Charlotte, and protesters showed up, many in the media dutifully reported that the situation had turned “violent”. But you generally had to read past the headline and deep into the story to learn that it was ICE, and not the protesters, who were committing the violence. Fox “News” dispatched a fearless “reporter” to the scene who boldly stood on the front lines of the protest and breathlessly reported that there were unimaginable scenes of mayhem unfolding right behind her. All the while, viewers themselves could see that what was happening behind her was that people were waving flags and running around in frog costumes.

Meanwhile, Fox was dishing out helpful hints on how to deal with the booming economy at holiday time: “Remember, adults don’t need gifts. Focus on the people in your life who are aged 3 to 18. Grandma doesn’t need slippers. If they don’t live by you, don’t get them a gift.”

And from the land of Oz, we get some practical advice on paying our doctor bills: “If you really want to drop the cost of health care in America, get healthier.”

“I think they [“groypers”] all hate MAGA, I think they all hate the conservative movement. They are leftists, in my opinion, posing as conservatives to take down from the inside what could not be taken down from the outside.”– James Lindsay

“When the president said deport all the illegal immigrants, I never thought that he meant that literally” — Ben Shapiro. How’s the market in underwater real estate these days, Ben?

As a gag, Polymarket posted this: “BREAKING: Zohran Mamdani to require all New York elementary school students to learn Arabic numerals.” The MAGA Cult, who slept through grade school arithmetic and a great many other things, went ballistic. “Disgusting. American kids should be taught American numbers”. “The Islamification of New York has begun.” “I tried to warn you.” And it wasn’t just Joe Six Pack making the comments. Some well known and influential wingers also piped up. “They’re not even trying to hide it anymore”, said Ian Miles Chong, without bothering to specify who “they” are or “it” is. Laura Loomer opined, “You know things are bad when you can’t tell if this is real or a joke. Dear God. It’s real. Isn’t it?” Very real, Laura. And wait until you hear that kids will begin with non-binary numbers.

You’re probably aware that Elon Musk, the answer to a question that nobody is asking, created his own AI chatbot called Grok. (Clarification: when we say “created” something, we of course mean that he sat on his ass and took credit for its creation.) And you’ll no doubt be surprised to hear that Grok just happens to think that its master is the greatest thing in the whole galaxy. It has stated that he is fitter than LeBron James, funnier than Jerry Seinfeld, would beat Mike Tyson or Superman in the ring, is one of the 10 greatest minds in history, and could resurrect much faster than Jesus. This is not a joke. Well it is, but it’s still true. It never seems to have occurred to him that anyone would catch on, or that someone might use his own obsequious cybertoy to ridicule him. But according to a query someone put to Grok, Lord Elon does indeed excel superlatively at eating poop and drinking piss.