Once upon a time, kiddies, a once-great nation held this election for what they called a president. And one of the major candidates had no qualifications for the job whatsoever. Furthermore, he actually campaigned on pledges to violate the nation’s constitution and international treaties. In fact, his comments indicated he was totally unfamiliar with those documents.
He repeatedly insulted women, Muslims, Hispanics, African-Americans, veterans and POWs.
He repeatedly called his opponent a liar, even though it was established that he lied far more often and far more severely. Some of his lies were downright hallucinatory; he more than once claimed, for instance, that he had witnessed “thousands” of Muslims cheering in the streets of Manhattan on 9-11.
He relentlessly repeated the silly allegation that his opponent was a criminal, and even threatened to have her jailed if he was elected — something a president would not even be able to do (although a dictator could).
He threatened to sue at least 20 people who dared criticize him during his campaign.
He himself was the target of at least 75 legal actions, including an investigation for rape of a minor. (Most of the people didn’t know about these transgressions because they were all obsessed with something they called email.)
He promoted the outrageous and thoroughly debunked lie that his opponent had been responsible for the deaths of 4 people at a consulate; and he exploited the grief and anger of the victims’ relatives.
He praised the “leadership” of some of the world’s most ruthless dictators.
He had a suspicious relationship with a hostile nation, and openly challenged them to try to influence the election.
He boasted about molesting women, and even snatching their cats. When caught, he responded the way he usually responded — by blaming someone else for causing his deplorable behavior.
He circulated the lie that the current president was not a citizen. When caught, he falsely claimed his opponent had started the rumor.
During what was known as the primaries (they had an extended season of public torture back then) he suggested that the father of one of his opponents had been involved in the assassination of another president, citing the National Enquirer as documentation.
He refused to release his tax returns, claiming it was because they were being audited (another lie) and admitted to dodging taxes for years.
He proposed committing torture, and bombing women and children.
He called climate change a hoax created by the Chinese.
He proposed building a wall between his nation and a neighbor, and insisted that the neighbor would pay for it.
He mocked a disabled reporter.
He condoned violence by his supporters, and claimed that his opponent did likewise. At some gatherings of his supporters, protesters were physically attacked.
He was enthusiastically endorsed, cheered and promoted by the KKK, the American Nazi Party, and other white supremacist groups and “militias”.
When it appeared he was losing, he began protesting, far in advance of the election, that it was “rigged”, and took the unprecedented stance that he might not accept the results. Meanwhile, he encouraged his own supporters to harass and intimidate “suspicious” (i.e., minority) voters at the polls.
He also claimed that media were rigged against him — even though the media literally created his candidacy in the first place, and gave him far more publicity than anyone else — including more positive coverage and less negative coverage.
He had a long history of failed, shady and unscrupulous business practices; evidence indicates that, born wealthy, he probably would have been better off financially had he never gone into business at all.
He faced an opponent who was better qualified for the job than just about any other candidate in the nation’s history — except that she was female.
But golly, he had such a nifty slogan, and he was willing to pander to the religious right by posing as “pro-life”. So he won. And all over this once-great nation, his followers celebrated by escalating their assaults on minorities. Tyrants and terrorists abroad also cheered his victory.
And he used his power as president to make his struggling business empire great again. And he lived happily ever after even if nobody else did.
No, no, no. This is NOT like the time I told you about the talking pumpkin.